Sigh, I need Botox!!!

Looking at myself in the mirror.

and, ..sob..sob

I can't believe I already have wrinkles on my forehead. GAhhh..I am blaming the sun. Sun is the culprit...*sigh. Eh, it's my fault too not applying sunscreen. *sob *sob

Yo yo yo know, I am soo emberrassed when people staring at my face. I was like..."Umm..are they staring at my wrinkles or, hence, my fresh pimple going to erupt...golihhh...",

Yawn, I know, I should accept my imperfection and let people stare at my wrinkles and my tremendous bumps endlessely. Yawn, I know I am far below stunning category. whatever leh. You know what, I pledge myself to accept the way I am as long as Santa Claus gives me Botox ^^

Anyways.....................But, the major problem is the fine lines on my forehead...=((

"Ya'll out there whos complaining too much about little zits appear on yall chin, please, look at around yall, HELLO, stop complaining about your tiny bits that can be covered by BB cream coz mine, my damn wrinkle is sooooo visible. The goddess BB cream magic, max studio foundation, mineral powder magic whatever wont cover my wrinkle!! Frankly, you can see the super fine lines on my damn forehead from the planet mars. Yo yo happy yo."

I am 23 and I have wrinkles. I have tried every wrinkle lotions exist on the planet earth, from the cheap one such as the one from walmart to the fine pricey medicated one to reduce the appearance of my wrinkes but none of them work. so sad leh. whatever the commercial promised.whatever man.

I am still blaming the sunshine for the super delicate fine artsy wrinkles on my face. Sincerely, I regret to spend so much time outside under the sun heat and not apply sunblock. Stupid me!! I prefer to have fair skin like Xiolongnu from The return of the condor heroes (check out Xiolongnu so fair so pretty..) rather than have olive skin, deep tan and wrinkly face.--emberrassing. Seriously, have you ever seen chinesse heroine with tan skin tone and wrinkles on their forehead?

Noooo.. they are goddesss and have dewey look because they only came out at night. nonsense. nonsense yawn. Eh, I know Xiolongnu is already dead but whatever, I want to have fair skin and glowy...(dang this woman is wayy too much to handle..golih!)

Ahemm, almost forgot,

"I still dont get it why people here are very obsessed to get tan. Tan is equal with the risk of skin cancer/wrinkles/fine lines/disclorotion. I used to love sun and sun tan and run outside under sun shine but not anymore. Sun is my enemy!! If sun is my son, I will disown sun for being my son..? heh..what the ffffff???"

Btw, I just purchased Baby Face sunscreen spf 50. I know my face is not baby face but at least the sunscreen is compatible for my delicate wrinkle surface..whatever leh. Yawn, I know leh my face is soo "messy" looking not pretty leh, but I am a human too with wrinkles and wrinkles need some love too and the love comes from Botox Dear.

Whatever ah, I just don't like sun and I dont want my skin to get tan. I want to be fair...mm...lets see...mmm...maybe like korean or japanesse fair skin. Aren't their skin so lovely? I adoree their glowy dewey clean smooth skin.

I keep saying "Dewey'.egeheh..what is the fuss about it? !#$%^&ewiugvhsrghgz;bzr d nlxbgj

And bronzer is supposed to imitate the dewey look of natural sun kiss, isnt't it, right?? Yeeaahhhh,, lets rock the sunkisss...muaahhh!

You can pick any bronzer that is suitable for your face. Bronzer wont give you a cancer, just make sure when you pick a bronzer, it doesnt contain bismuth whatever because this bismuth whatever can enlarge your pores and accumulate the whiteheads and blackheads on your nose and below your lips.

"Many mineral powder brands contain bismuth whatever..so watch out before you decide to buy 'em. I have problems with bare minerals because after the aplication my pores are more visible and more whiteheads appear around my mouth--just nasty look. The ugly duck is much sexier."

Anywayz, let's get back to business!!

Sun is the cause of all the wrinkles epidemic. I regret to spend so much time with sunshine. Sorry, sunshine, gotta ditch you for the sake of my face.

In conclusion, Botox is the ONLY life saver that can rescue me from the darkness of the wirinkles epidemic. Botox will be my christmas wish next year. coz botox is soo expensive and I cannot afford it.

"Ho..ho..hoo... sweetpie, you are such a lovely girl (*whisper inside heart :egad, this woman has tons of wrinkles and acne--so gross) tell Papa Claus what do you want for christmas?" said Mr. santa claus.

Imitating the cute voice sound from japanesse anime mari chan soso chan voice kawaiii whatever,

" Papa berryy Santa Claus Kun, I want BOTOX.."..(=^.^=)

AAaHHiiyyayhahahahhaa...what the Fff..?

Anyways, loveeee the soundtrack

The Return of the condor heroes soundtrack translated to Indonesian language. Lol.lol.lol..



dumm..drumm.dumm duu dummm...

Final Decision

I have been juggling to make the right decision for myself.

I am not really happy with my score although I can still apply to a very limited graduate school. To make it worse, one of the university advisor wanted me to re-consider to take GMAT again. FML. And, she mentioned in e-mail about applying for a scholarship.HUH? Are you kidding me?

I cannot grab the meaning attention behind her interest by convincing me to take GMAT again so I can apply for a scholarship. Is this the sign of sort of a positive attitude or indirect way to say, "sweetie, you are not qualified to apply to our university."

*Walauuww

With my current GPA, me granted with a scholarship? That is so far beyond possible. I have a doubt. Considering a scholarship? For me to get accepted is a miracle. I spent freaking 1.5 month to work out on my fugly GMAT. Happy news to all my haters, the result was below my expectation. Yeah, go laugh and smile and shag the hippos.

I discussed my issue with my dad. As it is always, Dad wanted me to retake it and if it doesnt work I shall go back to Indonesia. I told him there are some school willing to accept me. He insisted I shall take it again.

At this point, I just wanted to cry. What I hate the most in my life is to touch GMAT books. Every single day I spent hours on dining table writing questions with a big gulp, hair loss, wight gain, and pimples covering my forehead. Every single night I prayed. This is what I got. What have I done wrong to myself?

I am ashamed of myself. =(

I suffer from GMAT. If soomeone ever mentiones about people suffering from earthquake, please let me punch his or her face and taste the blood because I am so bloody mad. I dont give a damn pennies to listen to all people crap.

I have no interest with pep talks that I have to be grateful because there are some peope out there whose life are much worse than mine. I have enough. Period. You want to talk about earthquake survivor, clean water, poverty, HIV/Aids, children famine, well sorry dude, this is not the place to start the discussion. This is my blog--the best place ever to complaint.

Stop whining* slap my face

I will give another two-month-shot and see how far I can go from there. Only God knows my future. Gear up the lazy brain and stretch it out.

Anywyas, for God's sake, I hate my neighbor and his friends who like to peep my apartment thorough the window. I hate them. What are they looking for? to steal some of my stuff or plan to molest and rape me?? Perverts. I shall call cops but I cant coz I dont have the evidence and they probably will be angry at me for wasting their time. I am hoping these two things (stealing and molesting) wont happen otherwise f**k my life. Thou shalt be brought down to Hell.

One more reason to move out from Oklahoma.

As far as for the action, I covered up the window with my awesome green-red sari sarong. I have no interest to buy a curtain and yes I need to save money so I wont spend for things that I will regret by the end of july.

Alright, two month shot. Whatever the result I will move on and ignore the vixen evil who is laughing celebrating my failure.

To make it clear about my previous entry, I am not obsessed with older males. However, I admire older men or women because of their outstanding performance (eg. promiment senator, famous singer). So, don't get me wrong if I am fascinated with John Edwards or Michale Bolton.

I admire the most...

My Parents

Obviously

Despite of the love-hate relationship

Still want to be succesful like my parents

so, better get the lazy ass off futon and DO the work.

MUST study hard!

Don't talk Don't brag until you prove it....

Law of attraction

Jealous = Motivation = Law of attraction = Spirit = Success

Ps: I need to learn Joomlaaaa. I want to have my own website, this blogspot is a little bit bothersome.

Ps: I Wonder, how to have twitter, chatting box, calender, awesome layout on blog..blahh...lots of stuff to learn! Well figure it out soonnn...

Ps: Cannot wait to visit Redang Island, Perhentian Island, and Gili Trawangan ^^

Ahh...Beach....I will get ya soon...!!

Adam, you are always my big brother.

Thank you for the advice. I feel better. Now I can concentrate.

Sorry that I had to "pamper" you with all my negative guts but, you are trully my brother, you helped me to get through this negativity.

You helped me to release all the anger. You listened attentively to all my non-sense life issue, and I know you were listening because you still provided me with possible alternative solutions. You are such a blessing. I am very blessed to have you as my big brother.

Myabe, if I didnt talk to you, I would be thinking about it all night long and possibily will ruin my "being studious" spirit. You motivated me to stand up and look forward for the future. I must study hard!! Enough said.

What I am currently doing right now will shape how my future will be.

Thanks Adam, I pray that you and Karen will always be together forever ever after happy ending ameennnn....

Do you always believe when people say you are not fat?

Do you believe when people say, "Oh sweetie...you are not fat at all!! you are slim and you have an awesome body"

Rule 1
But, then you realized you really gained 10 pounds and you knew it. I mean, you felt it. That's how I feel right now. My friends kept saying that I am not fat and I am slim. They claimed they did not see any difference. They were showing confused face of why I am so obsessed to lose weight. Holy Moly Cow..do you believe that? Seriously, it's not about what people said, it's about how you feel inside. You knew it that you wanted to lose weight.

Rule 2
Maybe, my friends were comparing my size with american average size. In that case, yeah...du'h with my current weigh, I am considered "Slim but not Skinny" category. BUT, according to asian standard, I am slightly overweight. My mom told me I have to lose certain lbs. She is damn right! With my current size, I cannot shop for jeans in Indonesia.

I used to pretend "very happy" with my extra weigh and.....very confident say,"Yes, I am very happy with my body size" Do you believe in that? Do you believe that I was really happy inside??? Don't you think I always wanted to slim down as well.

Rule 3
My friend has a wise thought and this is what she shared with me. "We only live once". It's not late to improve yourself. One of my life wisdom, I always wanted to look nice, slim, and healthy. I do not believe with "I will do it tomorrow". Err...like "I will exercise tomorrow". The most important is to have a will that I really wanted to have a healthy slim body and nice thighs.

Rule 4
Seriously, every individual has the ability to have a healthy body and nice slim thighs. However, everything depends on the diet lifestyle. If everyday I ate junk foods and slighlty of fiber, I would gain weight faster. If I stopped working out, I would definitely have a flabby thigh and tummy.

For me, if I keep the meal portion in rational size and have time to exercise, my body will not blow up. I am what I eat. It's all about discipline. Seriously, everything must be obtained from such a hard work.

Rule 5
There is no such an easy way to get rid off extra baggage. Discipline, consistent, and be rationale of what we eat. Do you believe that you can lose weight 20 lbs in 1 week?? NO WAY to lose weight in short period!!! You will eventually gain weight double than your current size. It takes time to get an awesome result. Diet supplement is good to fasten the metabolism but once again it has to be balanced with work out.

Rule 6
Awesome song to work out..!!!